Matthew 18:21–22 says “21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Sometime last year, I promised to contribute to this blog by then office colleague Nkocy. A year later, she’s since moved out of the office (not because of covid19) but to more important things in life. I’ve finally decided to pay up the debt owed.

 This is attempt 4 having started 24hrs ago. I think it’s also fitting that as this is my return to writing in quite a while I should start off with forgiveness. And why it’s so difficult to forgive as the focus of my rant. I did say this is my 4th attempt. If this one makes it past the editor, may I can do a July run version of the June Winter something something that you bloggers do annually.

“Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender.” Anonymous

Why do people expect so much from one person? I’ve been told to be the bigger person, to forgive and forget so many times. When people shit on you, they always forget to count the cost of what they have done. Many times, the consequences of one’s actions have much more severe ripple effects than the initial shitty action they do. People have a tendency to only see what’s in front of them or choose to ignore consequences. One simple example is how someone can lie to you and say that they’re 5 minutes away and turn up hours later making you spend all that time idling at a corner or restaurant. That is time that you could have done something productive had they been honest.

This is also the case in business or love. How many times do we play along with our friend’s partners knowing fully well that our friends are invested elsewhere? How many times do we have people spreading false narratives (unconfirmed shit) that results in you losing business or affecting how other stakeholders view you? It’s simple for someone to come and apologise and think that their apology makes things right, but does it? Can you fully accept an apology when you’re still paying the costs of the consequences of the person’s action?

How do you differentiate not giving a fuck and just being plain bitter? When someone craps on you and you choose to not give a foot about them, why do people choose to say that you’re carrying bitterness.  What if I don’t want to be the bigger person? What if choosing to believe that someone doesn’t exist brings me peace?

I think forgiveness is overrated. Some people will never learn about the consequences of their actions if there are no negative lessons to be learnt from their actions. So, in closing, be at peace with shutting people out of your life. Smile when the tables turn and the shit hits the fan and they are sprayed… Till next time (if this makes it past the editors desk)