Girl meets boy, boy is a little unimpressive but that’s ok because girl likes him and that’s what matters. Girl falls in love with boy, he is still unimpressive but that’s okay because girl loves boy and that’s what matters…I meet his parents, they have zero boundaries. My Prince Charming was raised by animals but that’s okay because I love him and that’s what matters. I pick him up, hold him up and build him up till he becomes something and that’s okay because I love him and that’s what matters. We get married; my father pays for the whole thing. That’s still okay because I love this man and that’s what matters. One year in-No baby. But that’s okay because we love each other and that’s what matters. 2 years, 3, 4, 7…we stop counting. His mother fusses about it; he mumbles something in response…Is it still ok?
0145 a.m. he creeps into our bed. He smells like Chanel No. 5. I know this because I got my baby sister Chanel No.5 for her birthday last year and he smells like my baby sister. He moves his arm over to me, careful not to touch the bruise he gave me the night before. I should say “no” but I didn’t say yes, that should mean something to him. Whatever! It’s over very quickly. He is still unimpressive and no, it’s not okay.
I love her. It’s hard to remember all of that in the middle of all of this but I do. She wasn’t always like this: bitter, angry, resentful. She cared about me, stood by me. Then all the baby talk started. See, I don’t think she even wants a baby, I’m not too sure I want one either but someone said something about it again at the last family gathering and when we got home that day,my wife lost it. She screamed, yelled, threw things, said it was my fault. That was the first time I put my hands on her. I didn’t mean to and I am not proud of it. But when I did, all my frustration with her, my family, her family, myself …they all went away. And for the first time in a long time, she didn’t look through me like I was nothing. She actually looked at me. I know how it sounds but do you know what it’s like to love someone and have them walk around like you don’t exist. She doesn’t even flinch when I touch her.
Then there is the baby sister, younger sister I mean. The kid is barely 15 but the elders thought it best to keep it within the family. Surely, there is a law against this. On my worst day, I wouldn’t even look at the kid. I am not the kind of guy who sleeps with minors. I am not the kind of guy who beats up his wife.
When I said my sister’s husband was cute, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it the way you say a teacher is cute, or a celebrity is cute. It’s so easy to say because they are so out of reach. But this one isn’t. He has been coming to my room for the past few months and my period is three weeks late. So I guess it’s done. “Do this for your sister”, my mother said when she told me about this… arrangement. But I look at my sister and she is the only person in this disgusting circle who seems more miserable than I am. She has stopped eating, or talking or…doing anything. The only time she speaks lately is when they fight. She says something , he responds, she says something else then he strikes and it’s over. I run into her sometimes in the bathroom after he is done. She stays in the bathroom and cries even more. We both know what’s happened to both of us but we never talk about it. Talking about things brings them to life and we won’t discuss any of this. But this thing growing inside me is real; I wonder what story we will sell to the world. Whatever! I need this to be over.