My name is Nkosilesisa and I would much sooner swallow a razor blade than have you call me Nkosinesisa. I mean it’s a cool name, it’s just not mine.

I do not like being called by names that aren’t mine. I do not like being called fat, or nerdy. I particularly do not like being called “Mundevere” but maybe that’s just me.

I have two left feet, I do not know how to ride a bike, or swim, or play an instrument. I do however know how to drive a whole person insane. Ask my exes, they know what’s up.

I love me a pretty boy, pretty with a bad attitude and an even worse IQ. Don’t judge, those are the easiest to deal with.

I’m told I was fussy as a kid, said too much, too loud- not much has changed.

The look on my face will always tell you way more than my words ever will.

I have a lot of conversations with myself in my head. And sometimes I have them out loud but I’ve learnt to end them before people start staring.

I hate it when people stare. It always makes me think something’s gone wrong. And my brain always goes to the worst case scenario.

Sometimes I think it’s my way of making up for the fact that my life will never be as interesting as worst case scenario.

Sometimes I think it’s one of my many ways of self destructing because best believe if this girl is going down, this girl is going down on her own terms.

I was raised tough but sometimes I send an honest text then send an “lol” immediately after, so maybe I’m not as tough as I like to think.

I have abandonment issues. Once I fell off a moving car and as soon as my body hit the ground, my first instinct was to get up and run after the car, in case it didn’t stop for me. I ran, bleeding into the same vehicle that had just spat me out.

I like it when I cry. It’s like an odd cleansing ritual that I’ve gotten used to. I like it even more when I make myself cry, because like I said, if this girl is going to hell, she is dragging herself to hell.

I believe in hell as I believe in heaven. I believe there is a God in heaven as I believe there’s a piece of the devil in each of us. I believe in magic, I believe in miracles and once I paid a dollar and had to believe in psychics and I believe Ed Sheeran when he says we can all be loved the way that God made us.

So…hie, I’m just a girl, sitting behind an Acer (because I can’t afford a MacBook) and hoping you all are ok with me.