Sometime in the year 2012, my mother me attend a wedding. This was back when I hated weddings and I didn’t want to go because I knew it would be my mother’s friends and me. I’ll tell you one day how comfortable I am around adults and how this wasn’t really a problem for me but I still didn’t want to be there.
The reason why I didn’t want to go was simple. I hated weddings. I always thought they were pretentious and unnecessary and this particular wedding was my mum’s friend’s second wedding so I really didn’t get the fuss.
So I’m sitting there…17, bored and unamused, waiting for all of it to end. There weren’t even that many people. African households usually aren’t very keen on second marriages. So I suppose my mum had brought me to make up the numbers.
However, something happened, the couple walked in and something in the air definitely changed. What had a few seconds ago been this annoying gathering turned into something beautiful. I was only 17 and knew nothing about love but looking at those two , I knew they were in love.
Then I started putting myself into their shoes: they were both divorcees so it must have taken an awful lot of strength and courage for them to decide they wanted to try marriage again. I then thought of their family members who had decided not to show up and my teenage heart broke for them…I mean the groom’s own children didn’t even show up.
The couple didn’t seem to mind though. They were happy to be there, with each other. Sharing this moment with the people who had decided to be part of it. This wasn’t a very big, in your face moment but I realised something that day.
It’s okay to walk out of a 20 something year marriage if it no longer fits. It is perfectly okay to find your true love at 40 after a failed marriage and a couple of children. Equally okay? Making as big a deal of your second wedding as you did of the first one.
There’s no formula. Nobody said that the first attempt at anything would be the best. Noone said it would be the worst either. These things or anything else works differently for every person. So if getting married at 40 something to the seventh person you fell in love with while some bratty teenager rolls her eyes is what you need, then by all means, do it.
And if it means going through something without anybody’s support but you know it’s right to you. Again, by all means, do it. Life is short and it’s not promised and if you spend too much time worrying about the what ifs, you’ll miss some of your greatest moments.