#Guest Post- “What Are We?”- The Conversation That Has To Be Had
A mutual understanding of your position in each other’s lives is a conversation that needs to be had. Tell that person you like “Hey, we have fun but what are we doing? What am I to you?” I know those types of questions have become sort of a terrible thing to do but I think it’s important. Why do I say this? Because no matter how long you take to ask each other this, it will come up and it might be messy or it will be effortless and easy like a talk I had with an old friend.
He was in love with someone else but wanted something easy, nothing deep and I at that time was completely happy with being a companion. Looking back I realize now that I really liked him but my pride would not allow me to admit that. It still won’t. But our redefined friendship began and it was fun and as time moved along I realized by setting these boundaries, by knowing that this would never become anything but a friendship, I wasn’t hurt by a lot of things I would’ve have been if I didn’t know and understand what it was.
Regardless of these understandings, dramatics still happened and I couldn’t do it anymore. I had always seen myself as an option and conquests before him had put me as an option and I was always in second place. As time I went realized that this time I had willingly put myself in the second position because I thought it’s what I was meant for. So when things went left and they did, I blamed him, in not so many words, told him how I felt and I ended the friendship. Later, months after everything, I moved on, I assumed he had as well but shockingly he told me he loved me.
LOL I know. I know he didn’t. But I remember being so angry because the audacity of this nigga to lie to my face. The audacity of this boy to try and make us better by telling me what he thought I needed to hear. Looking back now all I wanted him to say was I was never an option. I wanted him to apologize, to tell me he was sorry for making me feel that way. However, I realize my feeling that way had absolutely nothing to do with him at all.
The insecurity was all mine, I made him put me in that position from the beginning when setting boundaries. I had set myself up from the moment we had asked what we were. I realized I needed to make myself realize that I am number one. I am no one’s back plan or second option and once I do that I won’t rely on a person I meet while I am grown to make me feel that way. I also came to realize that maybe and that’s a big MAYBE, he actual did have feelings for me but because of this insecurity and feeling that I was nothing but an option to him, I took away and took for granted his feelings and I am sorry about that. To sum up, the “what are we” question is important, and the way you answer that question sets the tone for the relationship.