My playlist is erratic. One minute I’m crying because Adele is asking “Don’t You Remember?” then the next I’m about to summon my ancestors with Brenda Fassie’s “Thola Amadlozi”, then next I’m fake rapping to Eminem threatening to kill people…that’s how erratic it is.
So some time last week, I had just done a mental striptease to Jay Sean’s “Ride It” (hayi man. Don’t try to imagine it, it won’t work). And I say mental because in real life, my arms are the only part of my body that can move. Y’all should see me dance futhi nikisi. So Jay Sean’s done asking me to ride it, guess who should come on next? RKelly.
I know how I feel about the guy and separating the art from the artist is something I might dedicate a post to someday.
Anyhu, Robert sings “Storm is Over” and instinct is to #MuteRKelly, right. But something shifts in me, the song makes so much sense and at this point, the song speaks more to my spirituality than to my sensibilities. I play the song to the end. After it was over, I wasn’t anticipating how random the next song would be. I wanted something that would make me feel the exact same way, something with the same spiritual dexterity (I’m not sure I know what this word means).
I dug up every gospel/spiritual song I know and I have been binging on my new playlist since then. Honestly that playlist has done more for me in the past week than most spiritual activities have done in years. Don’t get me wrong, I have listened to sermons and I have enjoyed a reasonable number of them but for the most part, they fall flat on me.
See, my relationship with God is a lot like the kind of relationship a teenager has with her parents. He talks, I listen. I do not always do right by Him. I talk, He listens, He responds, I react. Sometimes He says yes and I’m happy and grateful and we remain close. Sometimes He says wait and I wait-for all five minutes (I hate waiting more than anything in the world) then I start sulking until I eventually get my response then we’re good again. And sometimes I’m told no then naturally I get upset and I give God the silent treatment (real mature Nkosi). But I always eventually go back to him because well…He’s God.
But sometimes, He calls me back. He leaves the 99 to find the one. A lot like how my mum would come to my room after I spent hours not speaking to her and ask “So icurfew yakho yokunga khulumi lami itshaya nini?” That’s what God did for me with Storm is Over. He made realise that whatever I was mad at Him for (because for the life of me, I can’t remember) was so trivial and meaningless, I shouldn’t have dragged it out as long as I did. Whatever had put me in a state of not talking to my Creator-that thing I couldn’t remember-THAT STORM was over.
We had a conversation that day, God and I. I spoke, He listened. I apologised, He sympathized. He spoke, I listened. We’re good now. Even though I’m pretty sure He’s waiting for me to throw my next tantrum, we’re in a good place now. I will probably slip and fall off the wagon a number of times but at the end of it all, I will always make it back. The 1 always makes it back to the 99.