Three Cheers For The 4 Okay Decisions I Made at 23
I make terrible choices. I am not about to find a philosophy to justify them-I just really make really really bad choices. One day I will have Tyron guest blog here and he will tell you about the time I well near dated an alcoholic. No-not a person who had a little too much to drink ever so often, no. I mean in the entire year that I knew said person, I can count on my one hand the number of times that I saw him sober. These are coincidentally the same times that he was sick and almost dying because of his drinking. Step right in potential suitors-the bar has already been set incredibly low.
So, back to my poor decision making. It’s not so much that I have poor decision making skills but I just never give myself enough time to think things through. Ngilamawala. So most of my decision making comes from me wanting to get things out of the way so I can move on with my life. Is it ideal? No. But does it work for me? Also no.
I turn 24 in two days and I just wanted to reflect on the very few things I did over the past twelve months. Reader beware, there aren’t a lot of them so this might be a very short post, angizenzi.
- Getting Up When I Really Didn’t Want To
Grief does strange things to people, the strangest of them possibly being that it kinda makes you not want to be around for anything that happens post loss. I spent an entire month at home, trying to figure out fancy ways of being sad. Fancy because I didn’t want the sadness to be obvious because I always feel like it’s always your responsibility to make sure people don’t worry about you and I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. Eventually I had to get out of my sadness bubble and I did, regardless of how much I did not want to, I went back to work and found my joy again. Sidenote: I know me saying my joy comes from work sounds a little sad, but I swear when I am alone, writing lies (which is basically what I get paid to do) with these people that I create and put in situations that are too interesting to be my life…it’s one of the best feelings in the world for me.
- Walking Away
Number 2 on Nkosi’s great decision list was walking away from a lot of things that no longer made sense to me. One of my consistently bad decisions is not knowing when to quit. I’m probably the mayor of dragging things out longer than they should which is polite talk for I force the hell out of things. I stopped doing that though-stopped investing myself in situations that did nothing for anyone at the end of the day. There’s a certain grace about knowing when something has run its course. I’m not saying I always have that grace, but at least we know its’s there for somebody.
I was raised on books. I think I was 10 when I read both Around The World in 80 Days and Great Expectations. That was the trade off for not learning basic stuff like riding bikes or making friends but I read a lot as a child and all throughout school. Then somehow I just lost it, I don’t know how or why. But I started reading again recently and…I don’t need to recount the benefits of reading.
- Saying No to Carbs
Okay so this one is a lie. I did not say no to carbs. I said “Call Me Maybe” to carbs and carbs didn’t call for like two weeks and when carbs finally called I said yes because like I already said…I make poor decisions.